Happy NEW YEAR!!

I am so grateful to say ADIOS to 2008 and that's all I got to say about that! Don't let the door getcha! It sucked but I hope to learn from it and never make the same mistakes again. Yeah right, but it's a nice thought!

We are on our way to bring in the NEW YEAR with friends and drink way too much and shoot fireworks and just have way too much fun and I can not wait!

I love the New Year because it brings new hope and new dreams and I NEED IT! It's also a time for me to realize just how truly blessed I am to have 5 wonderful, healthy kids and a marriage that has overcome all obstacles and is richer than ever.

So tonight I will say good bye to a crap year with my friends, my husband, and my kids and I will welcome a new year in to our lives!

Cheers and best wishes to you all! Have a SAFE and wonderful New Year!

Merry Christmas

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We had a great celebrating of the birth of Jesus - the true reason for the season! Callie spent the day singing Happy Birthday Jesus and it truly warmed my heart and gave me such peace knowing it is because of Him we live today.

As sad as my days have been, I know how truly blessed I am to have 5 beautiful and healthy kids and the most amazing family a girl could dream of. I'm so blessed to have a husband that loves me and "gets me" at least most of the time :) so I chose to spend most of my day soaking in the love around me and it was fabulous. A call from Blake made the day closer to just perfect.

Hubby and I didn't exchange gifts this year for obvious reasons but I think the Wii that Santa brought was more fun that anything we would have bought each other. What a fun family gift!! We have had a blast!!

The kids got lots of other stuff including a video game chair (for the 360), Cade got a phone and yes I'm afraid I'll regret it, and lots more "stuff" for all.

My VERY FAVORITE gift I got was from my sister. She gave me, Callie, Allie, and my mom all an envelope that we had to open at the same time. There was a card with a picture of us 5 girls (included her) and it said, "Guess What? It's Sundays with the Girls!" and then the inside listed 4 shows from the Dallas Summer Musicals that she bought us ALL tickets for!!! Oh my gosh, I can not tell you how excited I am!! As you might guess from the title of my blog, I'm a dancer - err - I WAS a dancer and let me tell you that I LOVE MUSICALS and want to expose Callie to as many as possible but haven't been able to as much as I would like and NOW I CAN!!! So here's our schedule:

June: Happy Days
July: A Chorus Line
August: Mary Poppins
September: Legally Blonde

The shows are all at 2pm so we will all go to early service that day then the girls will head for lunch and a show! Oh, I cried when I opened this gift. Pure tears of joy. I just can not explain how excited I am to spend these days with my daughter, my sister, my niece, and my mom. Ab.so.lute.ly PERFECT!

Tomorrow we head to Abilene for Christmas with the in-laws and that's all I will say about that. Why? Because I'm in a good place at the moment and don't feel like a meltdown :)

Really, I couldn't make this up if I tried

So my new job, the one I spoke about last time I posted - which seems like months ago. I went in my first day so excited and knowing that while this wasn't necessarily a new career, it was something to get me out of the house, stimulate my brain on a level higher than that of a 5 year old and actually make a little money. Positive thinking and praising God for the opportunity.

Well....

8:05am - I walk in to the training room, open my training binder and the very first page states that while in training (first 2 weeks) I will be paid $6.55 per hour. Yes. Seriously. I mean no disrespect... but WHO IN THE HELL MAKES $6.55 per hour???

8:10am - I am handed my "call script" and asked to read over it. My "call script" for an Account Manager position? I'm still trying to keep an open mind and read over the script quietly while the trainer tends to others.

8:30am - The trainer explains that this is indeed the best company to work for! The company contracts with various non profits - mainly schools - and then we sell the advertising on the back of the shirt. And then she says... "You will find no other telemarketing job as fulfilling as this." Ummm.....what the hell did you just say? Telemarketing??? Ok, that's just her term for doing most of your work via the phone..right?? WRONG!

8:40am - I excuse myself to the restroom and do all I can not to burst into tears.

9:15am - One of the girls in the training raises her hand and ask, "What do you do with the extra shirts? I ask because I'm living in a shelter right now and we are all so excited when people donate clothes." Yes, my coworker is homeless.

10:00am - TEN MINUTE break! We are instructed that we must be sitting in our seats when the "music starts" at 10:10 or we will receive a "mark" and after 3 "marks" our pay will be decreased $1 per hour for the entire week. We must use the restroom during this time as we will not "be allowed" to use the restroom again until lunch. Yes. Seriously.

10:01am - I go to my car and contemplate driving off. Had I not left my purse inside, I may have done just that. Instead, I pray and I get a little teary eyed. I send a mass text to friends and family to let them know that I think I may be in the midst of a "punk" because this can not really be happening to me.

10:10am - The music starts and my butt is in my seat like a good little girl.

10:30am - The trainer tells me that I am too professional and need to understand that the kinds of businesses I will be calling on are small businesses and will be intimidated and hang up if I sound too professional. She then proceeds to tell a story about a phone call she made in which she joked with the business owner and told him that she thought he was probably too drunk at the games to ever notice the free shirts being thrown - and that yes, that's a more acceptable approach!

10:45am - I start sinking further in my seat, wondering what in the hell I am doing here and why in the hell this job had been so grossly misrepresented to me.

11:20am - The trainer announces that today we will only be training a half day today. I perk up a little.

11:25am - Class begins to wrap up for the day and another girl in training raises her hand and ask if the trainer could please sign her "slip" before we leave. She then proceeds to pass her a sheet of paper with "Tarrant County Department of Corrections " prominently displayed across the top. Yes, she needed to get her Probation/Parole slip signed. Oh.My.Gosh. For Real!!

11:30am - I leave. I call my husband and upon hearing his voice burst into tears. I then call my Mom and again I burst into tears.

I wasn't upset because I was working with a homeless person, a convict, or because I was making $6.55 per hour. I was upset because I was in total disbelief at how far I have fallen. Two years ago I was making 6 figures and now I was making 6 dollars. Holy crap.

Needless to say, hubby came home and after giving me a big and much needed hug, told me no way was I going back. Whew! I did not argue and no, I did not go back. I sent a nice professional email and stated that it simply wasn't a good fit for me.

I am so tired of being an emotional wreck and damn it I just want a REAL JOB!!!!

THE GOOD - the former VP of Marketing at my last job has started his own publishing company. He will be publishing a magazine and HE CALLED ME TODAY AND WANTS ME TO COME WORK FOR HIM! We talked on the phone for quite a while and we're meeting Monday morning at Starbucks so he can show me the mock ups and give me more information. Like he has to sell me on it? Little does he know, I am soooo in!!! I do want to find out a little more on the company and the investors, backing, etc. before I give him a definite answer but I know him well and worked with him for years and feel good about it. Then again, I feel silly getting excited about any job because well... what a joke. I'm trying to have faith but I admit I got a little pissed at God for a few days after this last fiasco.

I'm trying right now to just focus on Christmas and family because if i sit too much and think - well, it's not a good thing. I seriously am worried about my mental state - or lack there of. I just seem to be sinking further and further into this depression and I'm trying so hard to pull myself out but it's just not happening. I'm now sleeping 12 hours plus a day and I know that's not good. Ugh. It's like quick sand and I can't do anything to get out. For those wondering, I have NO health insurance so no I can't get back on my meds right now. Yeah, first time I have EVER IN MY LIFE been without insurance and I need it more than ever before. That's the quick sand again - sucking me down.

So, that's my jolly update. Hope you're all enjoying the holidays.

momma got a JOB!!!

Yes
, I really got a job and I start tomorrow! Falalalalalalalala

I'm super excited! Its in the advertising/ non profit industry and its not the best job as far as pay but ya know what? I don't care because its a JOB and u think I will really enjoy the work. Actually, I WILL enjoy it because well, I am grateful to my Lord because I have no doubt He put this opportunity in my lap.

Things are insane right now trying to figure out childcare for the next 2 weeks. Hubby has 2 weeks off at Christmas so I didn't want to start Callie in preschool til after the first of the year. Mom and my oldest sons ex girlfriend are helping me out for now so its all good! Now I just have to figure out a schedule for everyone. Its challenging but it will work out and I have a JOB!!!!
We have Cades Christmas program at school tonight so hoping I will get in the Christmas spirit. Knowing I have a check coming in before Christmas most definitely helps!!

Thanksgiving 2008 Pics

Thanksgiving was awesome! We all missed Blake terribly and when my grandfather blessed our dinner and spoke about Blake, I lost it. Quietly lost it- but lost it. We did finally get to talk to him though and he was enjoying his Thanksgiving with all his buddies.

There was so much to be thankful for this year. After the last 2 years of craziness, we are finally a family again and my family treated us as one - with love and respect - just as I knew they would.

This was the first real family get together since we have been officially back together and hubby was a little nervous but I have the most incredible family and I know they would never do anything to disrespect our marriage. They have way too much class for that.

My entire family (knowing all they know) truly respects our marriage and our love more than they ever have. I think part of it is because I have shown that I can forgive him for what happened and I can love him more than ever. I was never the forgiving kind before - I could hold a grudge like no other and for a while I did!! Regardless, it doesn't really matter anymore what cruel and hateful words might spew from the mouths of "others". We know we have a safe and loving place to enjoy the holidays and that rocks!!

I love my family so much and I am so grateful for their acceptance. I am so lucky to call them mine :) We can't wait until Christmas when we're all together again!!

Internet Withdrawls

I have a working pc with internet - THANK YOU GOD!! Laptops fried and only have one working desktop but that's ok - I am happy! It's funny when I think about what in the world I did before internet.

I was telling hubby (well, whining to hubby) that I couldn't even look for a job because I had no internet and he asked me, "can't you look in the paper?" Well, duh yeah I can do that but then again, few employers use the newspaper for recruitment anymore. I can't exactly "post my resume" in the newspaper either and then sit and await the job wanting me to work 20 hours a week and pay me $200k a year, now can I?

Then I decided to do the fun cinnamon Christmas ornaments with the kids. I went in to a pout because I couldn't get online to find the recipe only to finally remember that I do own a gazillion books and among them were many kid craft books. Amazingly enough, I found the recipe I was looking for but it wasn't nearly as easy as googling it.

Next, I got a letter from our storage company saying we were past due on our storage unit. Well, how can that be when it's debited from our account every month? Let me pull up the bank account and see if they debited it - NOT. What the hell was I supposed to do??? Look at the paper statement? Seriously, like open the statement? After going through 5 unopened statements I found what I needed. Not sure why we even still get paper statements but sure glad we do!

At night, instead of cuddling up with my laptop, as I do every night, I have actually been curling up with a BOOK! I know, seriously wild or what? I've been reading a book. Personally, I love me a good audiobook in the iPod and it was really odd reading an actual book again. That's kinda sad but it's true.

I've learned from my week without internet that 1) I am one lazy girl and 2) I AM SooOOoOOo grateful for my pc and my internet :)

I can't wait until kids go to bed so I can come back and read all the blogs I've missed . Yeah! I can breathe again - and be a lazy butt!

my gentle nudge

I should be working my new glorious job right now- you know, the one I never started. This would be my second full week had I started. As I sat feeling sorry for myself, thinking about how I should be working I hear something from the other room. An all familiar sound of callies asthma cough, though I hadn't heard it in 12 months!! Yep a year of asthma free baby girl and its back. After I searched boxes for her nebulizer (yuck, on blackberry with no spellcheck) and found the coveted albuterol, we are now back in to the breathing treatments every few hours, while my poor baby girls wheezing away. Can you imagine what would have happened had I been working? I would have most likely already had to take a sick day- or 2! Jeez!!! She's pretty sick and feeling pretty yuck so we've spent lots of time cuddling the last 2 days. So thank you God for the reminder and for the nudge but I got it, so enough already:)

As for update on our computers- they are gone. Nuff said.