Heavy

At 37 years old, I had always been one of those "skinny bitches" that could eat whatever they want and never gain a pound. Then my husband and I split up. We lost our house, I lost my beautiful SUV, we lost pretty much everything. And me? I lost another 20 pounds in just a few months. At 5' 8", I was 123 pounds dripping wet. It was not a pretty thing. That's what deep depression, severe stress, no job and what was most likely a mental breakdown can do to you.

Fast forward 3 years.

My marriage was repaired, is stronger than ever and I'm happy. I turned 40. The skinny bitch? She's gone. No clue where the hell she went but she's long gone.

For the first time in my life, I'm heavy. OK, maybe I'm even a little fat. And this? This is not easy for someone that has NEVER had to worry about her weight or worry about what she eats. I realized that I don't even know how to eat healthy. I hate working out. I can't run anymore because it hurts my knees (did I mention I turned 40). It just sucks but I hate, hate, hate the way I feel about myself. I feel old for the first time in my life and I feel heavy. This feeling is not a good thing.

This week I start a new program and I am off to find the skinny bitch that lives inside me. I know I will have to work my butt off to find that bitch and keep her out but I WILL FIND HER. The bonus is that I will also learn to eat healthy and BE healthy 'cus ya know, I did turn 40 and that alone is pretty heavy stuff.